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THE COURAGE TO TAKE THE FIRST STEP

The first step of every important journey in my life has begun when I have been brought to my knees.  I end up there because I forget who is actually in control.  To my surprise every time it is NOT me.  In the past 4 years I have faced some very hard truths about myself and have walked to the other side of resentments towards others.

I have learned that forgiveness is the key to letting go.  I know it works because I have forgiven others and was set free by that action.  I have asked for forgiveness and been set free.

Well, here I am again, on my knees trapped inside a cocoon.  I turned 50 and now face the toughest person ever in my life to forgive...MYSELF.

I am powerless over food and my life has become unmanageable.  I am powerless over my self -loathing, my disgust, my inability to be perfect.  I am powerless over my inability to meet my own expectations.  The scary part is this feeling towards myself is like an old friend.  I have known nothing else.  I have hated her my entire life.

About 6 weeks ago God revealed to me my destructive behavior.  I've learned that once you see something you can't unsee it.  It was like He reached down took me by the shoulders and said "That's ENOUGH!"  It is time to unpack that baggage and get your wings.

So I am starting my journey to learn how to love.  I finally want to fly.  I am scared to death, but I know God would not have brought me this far just to drop me.